I apologize for another “rant”. But I am not seeing a doctor yet because my insurance just came in (throws confetti).I need a referral and my PCP appointment isn’t until next month. So if y’all want to click the X now feel free. This is more for me and the other members of my “Annie” family.
Apparently, I was one bad bitch before I got ill. I worked two jobs over 60 hours a week, and managed to go to poetry venues maybe once a week or so. Friday nights I would go to my sister’s house (Hi Kei) even when I had to teach class on Saturday mornings. (Mind you the college was over an hour away). I would then go food shopping, cook for the week and clean I mean REALLY CLEAN – not that surface shit) my “bungalow”, and on most Sundays I would see my VSF and put him to sleep (sorry about that, but my motto is if you’re gonna do something do it to the best of your ability). Then I would get up, cook him breakfast, go to the Laundromat, remake the bed, grade essays, and then either read or write until after midnight, getting up at six am on Monday morning to do it all over again. My VSF called me a mutant and my sister was always shocked at my energy
Then, over a year and three months ago, my brain exploded.
Since then, (well- read my “about” page). I am really trying. Really. My headaches are intolerable sometimes. I get them:
when the barometric pressure drops
when the Moon is full
when it is too noisy
if I get worried
if I have a lot of stuff to do
when I am due for my cycle
if I get angry or stressed
(don’t laugh) but when I think too hard.
Like right now, I am pissed for a myriad of reasons and can’t wait to get back into therapy so I can scream at someone NEUTRAL. Because normally that helps. I have a MAJOR MIGRAINE and I don’t know if it’s because I am mad, because it’s snowing, if I am sick with a sinus infection or a cold.
I want to fuckin run away. Like to Hawaii. Somewhere warm. Where I don’t have to do shit but get up, and go to the beach. I was talking to another member of my “family” and she said “wouldn’t it be cool if our insurance covered some sort of retreat for survivors/warriors??? I laughed to myself and thought :yeah one of the activities could be beating a mannequin who says they have a “killer headache” like a piñata. But we couldn’t because we would have to sleep two days after the fact.
Not to mention Social Security. I am going to sum that up in one statement; if I was a damn drug addict, I would have Social Security by now.
I can’t imagine what Annie survivors who have infants or young children have to go through. My heart goes out to them. So I am going to hang in there, for them, for the others’ who have it worse than me. I’m going to put my cape back on…well after this nap anyway.
Peace
“Star”
peacefulblessedstar 