honesty

Hearts can be continuously filled with JoY

Once communication is void of deceiT,

Nourishes one other’s SpiritS

Evolving into the pure definition of LovE

Sincerity will forever be our foundatioN

Trust is something we will never forgO

You and I have accomplished what others can only wisH

© michele mitchell, 2013

Image

balance

balance

wondering if the healing heat within a heartbeat is sent or received
channeling violets to the mind as an offering of ease
not a question to ponder
the answer will not be right
wrong
just rhetorical
pure Love is always cyclical
like liquid light
in the sea at dawn
a blending of elements
restoring what others made a mere mockery
into its beginning breathtaking beauty

© michele mitchell, 2013

I Still Shine-Update 2

Physically:

Either I am REALLY healing or something is REALLY wrong, but I am exhausted ALL the time. My headaches literally “spiral” from my temples to the base of my head and then back again. It gets so bad my ears throb. I’m not sure if that means I am sick, or if it’s just part of my healing process. I am ALWAYS cold as well. Maybe I should give my Neurologist a call (heheheheheh) and ask him, but I’ll feel stupid if it is not aneurysm related.

Mentally:

I am having difficulty again with my “filter”, but that could be due to my low tolerance for ignorance and stupidity demonstrated at the same time. The good news is at least I am aware of the difficulty and can try to “halt” my outbursts before they happen.

Short term memory is getting better, but there are days I really have to concentrate to get things done.

Emotionally:

I am super sensitive right now. I cry when my son buys coffee for me. I get angry when people don’t do what they say they are going to do. I am furious when people lie to me, and I figure it out.

I mean I always thought getting angry when people lie was overstating the obvious, because if you like when people lie to you and it doesn’t involve role play on a Tuesday…(stop looking at me like that)

All that to say as you are well aware, I have brain damage. And if your lies are so bad that a brain damaged chick can figure them out, you are slower than molasses going uphill in January.

So here are the rules that were accidentally stated in another blog:

1-Don’t lie to me

2-Don’t waste my time

3-Don’t get me pregnant, unless permission was granted in the past and then I must see it in writing. My memory is bad, but I recall only two“knock me up” waivers were given and one of them was for D’Angelo and the other knows who he is….jussayin.

We will get along just fine.

*If I have offended anyone lately, charge it to my head (literally) not my heart.

*Good news is I have left the house for something other than food shopping or a doctor’s appointment once already this week, and I am actually going out to see my bestie and my lil niece this weekend.

*I miss my daughter and my granddaughters something awful though. God, make a way for me to get to Cali.

*I haven’t been badgered by SS, but they have been awfully quiet as well. Let’s just pray they are finalizing my case.

 

 

 

Spiritually:

Again I am actually pretty good. Prayer and meditation helps a lot. Realizing my energy was given to me by God, and He also has given me the tools to use it effectively is worthy of praise all by itself. So, I am claiming the Blessings I prayed for ahead of time.

 

Stay tuned…

“Star”

 

 

Why You Sittin There in the Dark?

I had an A-ha moment.

An epiphany so to speak.

A “Light” blub went off.

Anyone who really knows me knows about the myriad of abuse I had in my past. Name it, yeah, I probably went through it. I mean it doesn’t make me happy, but it is a part of me.

And I have embraced myself fully.

I’m actually really diggable.

Dope even.

But it took me a long time to feel that way about myself. Probably because the people in my life that were supposed to nurture, Love and care for me were my main abusers. So my self-esteem was low for a long time.

I would accept people and situations in my life that were toxic and abusive because I couldn’t identify what it was like to be Loved and treated correctly.

Now that I realize what it means to be Loved unconditionally I do my best to reciprocate that Love to others.

It pleases me when “my special friend” tells me that he gets nourished from my Light.

Now despite the above statement being riddled with double entendre, it is true. There is an exchange of Life energy that happens when we are together and it is paramount.

Because despite the ghetto a$$ movies depicting playas and games, who is thinking like who, how we should trick the other person into thinking we don’t like them when we do like them because that will make them like us more than we like them and then we will have power over them…

 (Yeah that was one BIG RUN ON SENTENCE that was creatively written to confuse you and possibly give you a headache. Sh!t, I got a headache typing it. All when I just could have said…)

FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS ARE NOT TO BE TOYED WITH.

LOVE IS NOT A GAME.

IF YOU TREAT LOVE LIKE A GAME NO ONE WILL WIN.

But, believe or not, I don’t to talk about Love today, well not in the above terms anyway.

My Love is synonymous with my Light.

And now that I am aware of my Light, I honestly gotta dim that sh!t for a minute. Because the funny thing about “leaving your Light on” is that sometimes you attract pests, unwanted visitors, and people who just want peek in your sh!t and see what you got, with no intentions to “illuminate” a damn thing but their own ego.

And then I feel like I am being toyed with.

The last thing this world needs is a bunch of “not so bright” bammas trying to rob, pillage and enslave the Light of others for their own benefit.

It’s the equivalent of living in a bad neighborhood when you don’t have to.

You kinda just got trapped there.

You had to move all yo sh!t…in the dark.

So no one can see what you got.

Sorry the horse I’m beating would like to be buried now.

(waits for some folk to get off the slow bus…)

So my question to myself and to others is if you know you have Light and it is illuminating your GOD GIVEN PURPOSE…what gives you the need to look for solace in the dark.

A man might cry there, but a real man doesn’t stay there.

God put rainbows in my tears, but you can’t see them unless I’m in the Light.

Shining.

Like a …

“Star”

#Peace and #ShineOn

By peacefulblessedstar Posted in Sparks

growth

* inspired from listening to “Shining Star” by The Roots, Erykah Badu, and D’Angelo*

wrapped in aquamarine waves of contentedness

wishes on Stars keep the Soldier’s footsteps

from land mines in his mind that would twist his thoughts

into winding roads that he ought not travel

his desires are now plans that seem to come unraveled

his heart beats in the street but it’s muted by the gravel

that screeches from the brakes of the chances he doesn’t take

for he’s trapped in a position that he chooses to fake

for the truth is too scary and bliss can’t be free

in the past he learned trusting his feelings was a hypocrisy

so she, in mediation sends sensations so his heart chakra glows

plants manna in his mind so his Spirit grows

waters it with purity

sensual security

she will continue to cultivate his thoughts until the blossoms bloom

knowing nothing will grow if you don’t give it room

sunshine

plenty of truth

for what use is a flower

if you destroy its roots.

© michele mitchell, 2013

S)He Never Really Loved You!!!

…and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Or the self you showed them.

As convoluted and confusing as the conundrum is betwixt (sorry, I like that word) my “special friend” and I, what I am most content with is the fact that we actually Love each OTHER.

Our true selves.

The real us.

That “us” involves me just being me and him just being him, but that goes back well over twenty-five years or so.

But without retelling the story, let me get to the point.

I have issues. LOL, but he knows and accepts them, for the most part. I mean when I get out of line, he will “check” me. Truth be told, sometimes I need to be checked and I appreciate that. And because I am who I am, it takes a real strongman to do that.

(Ask either one of my brothers).

And I do the same thing with him.

Sidebar: If you have dated me, are reading this blog and all of a sudden are all up in your feelings about being a “strong” man. Shut it down or up or sideways, whatever. There have only been TWO men in my life who have been able to handle the real me. I honestly do not think that will change any time soon. And God literally would have to “break the mold” on that man because yeah…he doesn’t exist yet.

But we don’t stop Loving each other just because we have to check each other. It is par for the course. And one of the most beautiful things he ever told me was that I was amazing because I Love like God Loves.

I was confused by that statement initially.

I mean doesn’t everybody?

Apparently not.

There was a comedian (memory issues has me forgetting who it was, maybe Eddie Murphy??) who said when men and women date, they send out “their representative”.

The polite one.

The shy one.

The one who isn’t demanding.

And that person isn’t who (s)he really is…

…at all!!!

I may have said this in a past blog before, but in case I wasn’t clear…

If you are not being yourself in a relationship that person does not Love you and when your real self emerges that person will LEAVE you.

…because you are not YOURSELF.

There is an adage, cliché, or trite saying that says you have to Love yourself before you can Love anyone else.

For the most part, I agree with that.

What confuses me, again, is what SELF is the above is speaking about?

Think about it.

If you truly Love yourself, you wouldn’t have to put on a “front” to get that person to Love you.

(S)he wouldn’t feel pressured to stay with you because of a debt or obligation even if it involved children.

Okay, I am about to fill you in on a little something that I just NOW realized.

When it comes to my divorce, I completely respect my ex-husband NOW. At the TIME I didn’t get it.

NOW I do.

When he told me he wanted a divorce, I was shocked.

Angry, maybe, but never bitter.

The reasons he divorced me were in his words “He never really Loved me. He was with me because of our son and everything I had done for him and he felt obligated.”

Shit.

That was the most HONEST thing I had ever heard anyone say.

To extend that honesty, the me I was then was an act that I thought he wanted.

To extend it even FURTHER, the me I am today would have never wanted him.

(Sorry Ex, it is what it is).

With the exception of my ex-husband, that is one of the reasons most of my exes try to come back.

Because I am me, and I am honest.

The other reasons are none of your damn business. LOL

But anywho.

The morals of the story are:

Don’t lie to me.

Don’t waste my time.

Don’t get me pregnant.

No wait, those aren’t the morals of the story. Those are another blog, maybe.

The moral of this blog is BE and LOVE YOURSELF and, in time, the mold will be broken for you.

#Peace #ShineOn

Love,

“Star”

 

were, are, will be

there were days:

my biggest problem was why he didn’t text me today

how was i gonna to get to that store to get all the ingredients for gumbo

were my legs cute enough to wear a mini skirt and knee socks

why did my head hurt so much

oh my God, did i vomit on that nurse?

how long was i unconscious?

 

there are days:

i don’t remember if i took my medicine

even if it’s put in a pill box

because i forget i have a pill box

or where i put it

i swore i paid the electric bill

i’m too embarrassed to ask for help

to complain about headaches

to cry

to be scared to die

because i’m supposed to be physically fine now

so why do i forget words

how to spell them

what they mean

what do i mean

what does all this mean?

i pray

since my soul is His to keep

that at night God just takes me in my sleep

He doesn’t want my soul, right now

right now, He just told me

He is taking care of everything

my mind had to be shut down for the awakening

my true self is beautiful despite the swollen eyes

because He put rainbows in my tears

Stars in my smile

i shine

gleam

despite and because of the darkness

my testimony will be a beacon

for someone else to find their way

through their were, are, and will be days

© michele mitchell, 2013

Men, Infidelity, and the Bible

First, we can blame this Blog on a conversation my daughter and I were having about infidelity in relationships.

Secondly, we can blame this Blog on the fact that I used to be an English professor and have this need to cite correctly.

 

My daughter and I were having a light hearted conversation about how in “today’s society” women are typically more forgiving about infidelity in relationships (including marriage), but on the flip side, men are much more emotional than they let on and if their woman cheated on them they would not be as forgiving, and in the BEST case scenario the man would leave or divorce the woman. And in the most HORRIBLE scenario, the woman may end up in the trunk of a car with a bullet in her skull.

For those of you looking at me in horror, yes, this was a “light hearted conversation”, but I guess you would have to know me and my daughter personally to understand.

So my daughter said, “This should be the topic of your next Blog”.

I thought it was going to be easy enough because I would explain how some women seem to look at their relationships as “practice marriages” while most men do not. Which logically, (and we all know by now that men are thinkers –see past blogs–) means that most men do not think they have to be faithful until they are married while most women feel that they should and do.

I also figured writing this Blog would be easy enough because I would start the blog with the traditional wedding vows:

(Bride/Groom), take (you/thee) (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us. (Web).

The problem only arose when I went to find the passage in the Bible where these vows were stated so that I may cite them correctly.

GUESS WHAT FOLKS??!!??

THE WEDDING VOWS AS STATED ABOVE ARE NOT IN THE BIBLE!!!

Now before the stoning commences, I am fully aware that there are passages in the Bible that explain how men and women are supposed to conduct themselves in a marriage. I also understand that “thou shall not commit adultery” is a commandment.

I have “some” brain damage, but I am not a moron.

All that to say this:

If you use the “I take vows of marriage seriously that are in the BIBLE” to berate your cheating mate or to set a standard for your relationship” you are DEAD WRONG, and you would be better off looking in the Episcopalian Prayer Book

I have NO IDEA WHAT THE EPISCOPALIAN PRAYER BOOK IS, but upon Googling that’s supposedly where the vows actually are.

Also you would be better of looking up the passages in the Bible, I briefly eluded to above that explain such matters. Start with Ephesians. The Love chapter is always the best place to start with how to deal with one another.

Even better, why don’t you go to counseling while you are still dating and pondering getting married so that you both know what to expect of each other. This way you can both stay out of trunks of cars and keep your skulls bullet free.

#Peace #ShineOn

“Star”