…and you have no one to blame but yourself.
Or the self you showed them.
As convoluted and confusing as the conundrum is betwixt (sorry, I like that word) my “special friend” and I, what I am most content with is the fact that we actually Love each OTHER.
Our true selves.
The real us.
That “us” involves me just being me and him just being him, but that goes back well over twenty-five years or so.
But without retelling the story, let me get to the point.
I have issues. LOL, but he knows and accepts them, for the most part. I mean when I get out of line, he will “check” me. Truth be told, sometimes I need to be checked and I appreciate that. And because I am who I am, it takes a real strongman to do that.
(Ask either one of my brothers).
And I do the same thing with him.
Sidebar: If you have dated me, are reading this blog and all of a sudden are all up in your feelings about being a “strong” man. Shut it down or up or sideways, whatever. There have only been TWO men in my life who have been able to handle the real me. I honestly do not think that will change any time soon. And God literally would have to “break the mold” on that man because yeah…he doesn’t exist yet.
But we don’t stop Loving each other just because we have to check each other. It is par for the course. And one of the most beautiful things he ever told me was that I was amazing because I Love like God Loves.
I was confused by that statement initially.
I mean doesn’t everybody?
There was a comedian (memory issues has me forgetting who it was, maybe Eddie Murphy??) who said when men and women date, they send out “their representative”.
The polite one.
The shy one.
The one who isn’t demanding.
And that person isn’t who (s)he really is…
I may have said this in a past blog before, but in case I wasn’t clear…
If you are not being yourself in a relationship that person does not Love you and when your real self emerges that person will LEAVE you.
…because you are not YOURSELF.
There is an adage, cliché, or trite saying that says you have to Love yourself before you can Love anyone else.
For the most part, I agree with that.
What confuses me, again, is what SELF is the above is speaking about?
Think about it.
If you truly Love yourself, you wouldn’t have to put on a “front” to get that person to Love you.
(S)he wouldn’t feel pressured to stay with you because of a debt or obligation even if it involved children.
Okay, I am about to fill you in on a little something that I just NOW realized.
When it comes to my divorce, I completely respect my ex-husband NOW. At the TIME I didn’t get it.
NOW I do.
When he told me he wanted a divorce, I was shocked.
Angry, maybe, but never bitter.
The reasons he divorced me were in his words “He never really Loved me. He was with me because of our son and everything I had done for him and he felt obligated.”
That was the most HONEST thing I had ever heard anyone say.
To extend that honesty, the me I was then was an act that I thought he wanted.
To extend it even FURTHER, the me I am today would have never wanted him.
(Sorry Ex, it is what it is).
With the exception of my ex-husband, that is one of the reasons most of my exes try to come back.
Because I am me, and I am honest.
The other reasons are none of your damn business. LOL
The morals of the story are:
Don’t lie to me.
Don’t waste my time.
Don’t get me pregnant.
No wait, those aren’t the morals of the story. Those are another blog, maybe.
The moral of this blog is BE and LOVE YOURSELF and, in time, the mold will be broken for you.