Those who know me know I am in Love. Those who really know me know with whom. The man I am in Love with is a manifestation of my prayers, desires and dreams. He isn’t perfect, but he is perfect for me.
I truly believe this. I have written several Love poems about him, and was going to write one today. As a matter of fact, in one of our phone conversations, I told him when I was organizing my Love poems to put into a book; I was pleasantly shocked that ninety eight percent of those Love poems were about him.
He was in awe of that truth.
I was in awe that I had not written one poem about the prototype.
Maybe it was because I felt guilty about the relationship; those who knew me back then knew the tawdry circumstances behind it. But for the record, I always followed my heart first and by doing so, my heart led me to the prototype, which for brevity sake will be referred to as “P”.
P was warm and welcoming and like a comforter in the winter. We wrapped ourselves in each other. I didn’t have to speak much because he read me. He, however, told me everything about himself. Even things I didn’t ask.
His whole face lit up when he saw me, and when he wasn’t with me he would call me. I hadn’t felt wanted like that in a long time.
Imagine how I felt when P had to leave.
He still called me frequently, and I could hear his smile through the phone. I felt the sincerity when he said he missed me and the excitement when he said he was coming back. With a fluttering stomach, I would mark off each day until his return.
Then his girlfriend called me.
It still makes me sick to my stomach when I think about that conversation. His brother called me trying to “explain”, but I didn’t want to hear it. I was angry and acting on the prompting of my friends at the time who said “fuck him, hang up on him, he isn’t worthy of an explanation.” I even went to a club trying to get over him, and my heart sank when I saw him. I played it off and pretended I didn’t see the sad look on his face when he saw me. I bumped into his brother and asked where P went.
He said he left.
I never heard from or saw P again.
Not for the lack of trying, I wrote a letter to him and sent it to his granny’s address that he gave me. I had his other brother try to contact him for me because I had a nightmare about him, and I wanted to know if he was okay. His brother did respond and said P was doing well.
That made me happy.
I’m glad he is happy.
But I still have an ache to know why he lied or if he lied, or was what I thought we had a lie? Not that it would change a damn thing because it happened so long ago, and we have both moved on. I probably will never get closure from P, but I thank him for the blueprint.
Peace and Shine On
© Michele Mitchell, 2013
Photo Credit: http://www.rose-rosetree.com/blog/2013/09/24/how-will-you-use-aura-reading-today/