I Still Shine Update 3

I Still Shine Update 3

I have no idea if I am regressing or not. I am CONSTANTLY cold. I also notice when I “think” too much during the day, I am exhausted at night, which can be a plus because at times I have trouble sleeping. Headaches are daily and they range from annoying to crippling, to scary. The medication I have to take is ridiculous and its side effects make me sleepy at awkward times

I am still getting annoyed easily to obvious bs. I am angry at the fatigue and the pain, but I can’t react the way I want to because I am medicated, which is probably a good thing for others. It may be a good thing for me as well as I keep getting reminded that if I don’t calm down, I won’t heal. I have to accept the fact that this is going to be a LONG healing process. Can someone tell Social Security that? Please. I hate them. If I am around too many people, I get real quiet because I am afraid to speak for fear I sound unintelligent, repetitive or inappropriate. Short term memory seems to be recurring again. I dunno I just feel like I am in a bubble, and I need someone to break me out.
One dope thing is I found mediation. It works, and I wonder if it would enhance if I wasn’t medicated or if it works because I am?
My doctor is right; I am a “hyper thinker”. Thank God I have writing as an outlet. It is the only thing I seem to enjoy anymore and feel I am good at. Except, my typing and spelling have become awful as of late. I don’t know if that is also a side effect, or if I am too hard on myself?
With that, thanks for reading, and keep me in prayer.

6 comments on “I Still Shine Update 3

  1. my typing and spelling has deteriorated horribly. my short term memory is in overdrive and if it didn’t hurt my head to cry…i would be doing so right now. like you, blogging is the only thing that brings me peace…even if i have to edit it a billion times due to all the errors. so you know, i am so grateful to have such a strong survivor to look up to. for so long, no one could relate because it’s such an uncommon thing (it seems, but not really)…and then you entered back into my life and gave me new perspectives, gave me the right to feel angry or sad or broken without over judging myself. your blogs, your energy, your humor, your ‘you’ continues to inspire me. you’re much stronger than you know. i love you. keeping you in my prayers, as always, lovely one…

  2. I think our “survival” may be uncommon but the “condition” isn’t…the look of horror on people’s faces when they find out what happened to me STILL sends chills up my spine…blogging feels like I purge all over the place, it’s the poetry and other writing that gives me issues…even writing this response requires concentration that before wouldn’t be an issue.

    It makes my heart proud that I “help” you. Gives me peace, actually, and the will to keep going, cuz as you may know, that can be a challenge some days.

    I love you too and I echo prayers for you repeatedly

    (((big ol hug with squeeze)))

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