*this blog was actually inspired by my son’s friend, and some of these things COULD be interchangeable with “house phones” as well*
*I don’t know TOO many people with house phones, but just in case…*
Why do people leave this out going message?
You have reached “Star the Blogger”, I am sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message I’ll get back to you.
A- NO I DIDN’T REACH “STAR THE BLOGGER” BECAUSE IF I DID, I WOULDN’T HAVE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE. (sorry that pisses me off)
B- If it’s a cell phone, you are lying. You have the phone right by or on you. You don’t have to “go” to the phone. Change it to, I can’t take your call right now. That is more accurate. My bad for being an English Professor, but get yourself together.
C- IF YOU DON’T CHECK YOUR VOICEMAIL SAY THAT IN THE MESSAGE!!!
It’s real simple look: Hello, this is “Star the Blogger”, and I am not able to take your call right now. I do not check my voicemail regularly, so text me, and as soon as I am able, I will answer your text.
D- Kids On Outgoing Messages
It’s not cute; I can’t understand the lil parasite in person so a recorded greeting just pisses me off. Especially when the lil crumb snatcher starts pushin the buttons tryin to hang up. F*ck that, I’ll call back.
2-Hide and Don’t Answer
I actually can’t take the credit for this one; I heard a comedienne say it once. You call my cell and let it ring like fifty gadzillion times. I go to call you back, more than once, because my missed call counter says I have four missed calls, and you never answer your phone. Did you get so frustrated when I didn’t answer, you threw your phone away?
3-The Unrequited Text
I think it’s because I was raised right, but I respond when people ask me a direct question.
Good Morning Star. How r u feelin?
Good Morning Soldier. Today is a good day. How bout you? How r u feelin?
At this point, I shall assume you were suicidal and jumped in front of a moving bus.
4-The Cryptic Text
I understand the shortening of words like “are” and “you” but when your text messages look like the one below: SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP:
Plz lmk yu cn alwaz cntct me ill b dere.
What the f*ck IS THAT?
If I gotta call you to find out what you said to me via text message, there’s a problem.
5-“Let Me Call You Right Back”
6-“Hold on that’s my other line”
You have one minute thirty seconds to come back on the phone, and if you use excuse #5, don’t bother. The reasons why are already listed.
7-“My battery is going to die”
Say what you really mean, the conversation is getting to a place where I am either around other people and I don’t want to explain the silly grin on my face, or I can’t reply without people thinking I am a freak.
Unless you have T-Mobile, then your battery is actually about to die.
Wait, doesn’t happen with your conversations?
Step your game up then; No wonder he wants to get off the phone with you. (giggles to self)
8-“I don’t know what happened to my phone”
You didn’t pay the bill.
9-The I “will call you” text
See reason #5.
Don’t tell me you are going to call.
10-Pre-progammed text responses
Impersonal and insulting.
Don’t do it.
***BONUS11-Forwarding to voicemail
Real talk, most cell phone carriers tell the callers that their call has been forwarded. Unless you call the people RIGHT BACK and not pull a #5. DON’T DO IT BECAUSE THEN IT BECOMES A #10 and your caller will get insulted TWICE!!!
Any I missed?
#Peace and #ShineOn