1-Thinking
I really I am not trying to be funny. Remember my blog Men Are Thinkers; Women Are Feelers?
No?
Well, go read it. It’s a good read.
I say thinking because I am guilty of that myself. Some women, (I have to say “some” cuz there is always that one chick who says “I don’t do that”)
Shut up!
Yes you do.
Keep reading the damn blog before you lose your man.
Again, some women who have been in or witnessed bad relationships in the past stop thinking in specifics. They tend to overgeneralize when it comes to men. They develop the all men are the same theory.
They’re not. I mean, I haven’t dated all mankind, but I have lived long enough to know NOONE is the same.
Also, some women have a tendency to “over-fatalize” (making the problem worse than what it is). Why? Because we are thinking about it too much. I can’t remember what had happened, but I do remember I was concerned because my “special friend” hadn’t responded to a very “sentimental” text message. I was thinking things like:
I must have scared him.
He doesn’t really feel the same way I feel.
He must not want to deal with me anymore
Or he is playin me and has been this whole time.
When I saw him again, and I asked him about the message and what I was thinking, he looked at me like I had six heads, looked through his phone and apologized.
Why?
Because at the time the man worked two jobs, typed up his response, but forgot to hit send.
He showed me the “draft” of his message; I felt like an ass, and I wound up apologizing.
The only good thing that came out of that was that we were able to come to an understanding about how we both think and feel about the “conundrum that is us”.
2-Talking
I am not speaking of communication with your partner.
I am speaking of talking to everybody else but your partner.
There a certain species of human being that most people aren’t aware of because they travel among us. The scientific name for this species is ulterior motivus bammipus. I just call them bammas. The female of this species could be from one or two breeds:
A-The bitter breed. In this breed a male has hurt that particular female, a loved one, or both. The advice they give you comes from a very angry space and will, more than likely, make your “situation” more flammable than what it is.
B-The jealous breed. This breed wants what you have either literally or metaphorically and will give you jacked up advice to sabotage your relationship so they can move in, or so they can have you to commiserate with.
There are also a two types of male bammas:
A-The slippery snake bamma. This breed of male bamma WANTS YOU. He will “villianize” the man you are with, give you convoluted, confusing or even incorrect advice on how to deal with your issues with him. When your man responds negatively (albeit appropriately) to the antics the bamma “advised” you act out, the bamma will “act” surprised. I say “act” because it is in fact an act. The bamma WANTS YOU, remember, and if he can cause any riff between you or your man, he will. He will pose as your best friend, take you out one night, drown you with alcohol and try to f*ck you. I guess it depends on how hurt or drunk you are whether or not this snake gets to burrow.
***Wait do snakes even burrow? Oh never mind, the blog is late and I don’t feel like looking it up***
B- The manly man bamma. This type of bamma is actually the male version of the bitter breed female. He has been hurt before but refuses to admit it. ALL WOMEN ain’t sh*t, and that means you ain’t sh*t either. He is all about the “man code” and hangs around a gaggle of bitter, broken, emasculated men. He will never give you advice, but he may use his “brokenness” to try to f*ck you as well. After all, he is a man.
I am blessed that I don’t have to worry about those bammas. I have two “brothers-in-Love” who I turn to when I need advice about my “special friend”. They are both in wonderful, loving marriages, which started as functional, loving relationships. As a matter of fact, let me get this out of the way as this blog is getting long.
FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES DON’T EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER TAKE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER, EVER, EVER, HAD A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP.
I mean what can they possibly tell you? How to f*ck up?
So back to my “brothers –in-Love”. For simplicity let’s just call them K. and T.
K- is the one I call when I want a quick logical answer. He doesn’t have time to get emotional with me. He wants to know what the problem is, and what I want him to do. He will not coddle me, but he does give an interesting male perspective. He is also sarcastic and blunt as hell and the reason my “special friend” deleted me from his Facebook. Because he will throw silent daggers that maim and destroy. He is quite a mentor.
T– is the one I call when I need to cry. He lets me cry, but can’t stand it when I do, so he makes me laugh and gives me the “dirt” on men. He gives excellent advice while telling me what I am feeling is normal, that I am not crazy, and that “most men can’t handle me”. He reminds me of my “light” and tells me to never become cynical or bitter. In fact, he believes I don’t know how to be.
Both of them, however, have a hammer, lime and rope in the trunks of their cars and are just a phone call away if sh*t were to ever get “real”
All that to say, if you gotta talk, talk to your “brothers-in-Love”.
If you don’t have any, no you can’t have mine, get your own.
3-Texting your argument
I hate to use this pop culture phrase but:
Ain’t nobody got time for that!!!
Wait until you see him.
Trust me, I have learned (from experience) this method of communication is NOT EFFECTIVE.
4- Putting the issues with your relationship on any social network. It makes you look ridiculous and weak. It also makes you look stupid when you change your relationship status every other day, and it makes you look either psychotic, a hoe, or a psychotic hoe when you change your partner with the same frequency.
5-Making your man jealous or appear like you are cheating
You must want to die or like being called a trifling hoe. Or you want an insecure man. I have no idea what woman wants an insecure man.
Miss me with that.
***Special bonus***
WITHHOLDING SEX IS THE STUPIDEST THING I EVER HEARD OF UNLESS THE SEX IS WACK FROM THE DOOR.
IF IT’S GOOD, YOU’RE PUNISHING YOURSELF.
I never understood that. Ever. But…well hey that’s another blog for another time.
:::shrugs:::
Hope this was helpful!!!
Feel free to comment below.
#Peace and #ShineOn
“Star”
peacefulblessedstar 