In Dating/Relationships, Why Do We Feel Pressured to “Perform”?

The above question has numerous interpretations with varying answers.

Although I have been watching a LOT of Sex And The City lately, this blog isn’t entirely about sex. But, if you would, work with me through this metaphor. When a man has to “talk about his performance before the show starts” I, typically, am bored and can’t wait for the show to end. And it is usually a “short clip rather than a full length feature film”.

So now, I am mad that I bought popcorn for the show. Or pumps, depending on the day of the week.

Yup, you guessed it, this is the segue for the actual purpose of the blog, which, if you write at all, is another pretty dope metaphor. We all have our “standards” for a potential partner in a relationship. Those standards can be superficial or not, but nonetheless, they are standards. In a perfect world, those standards don’t really need to be spoken out loud.

But we don’t live in a perfect world.

So we may have to address our standards to eliminate potential disasters.

If the person is attracted to you, they may be tempted to change or alter their true selves to meet your standards.

That’s when the shit starts.

I have always been told I am honest to a fault. At first, I thought that was a bad thing, but it isn’t actually. Especially when it comes to dating.

Which by the way I am really uncomfortable with, but I guess that is another blog.

Or maybe not. Hold on, waaaaaaaiiiiit.

I am uncomfortable with dating because to me a “date” is somewhat like a “show”. We both get

cleaned up and dressed up, go somewhere we want to go, or if it is an “at home date” the house

is spotless and the food is prepared with Love and served with a smile. We are typically

polite, and have manners.

When a relationship evolves after the dating cycle. We tend to get “comfortable” and stop

trying to impress the other person. Some of us may actually “let ourselves go”, become less

compromising about plans, let the house go, etc.

You get the point?


Now, I’m not saying I don’t want to go out. I have been trying to get pancakes and a beach trip

for a minute now. (LONG blank stare at computer screen, followed by an even LONGER

exaggerated BLINK).

What I am asking is why people (men or women) feel the need to misrepresent themselves

when it comes to dating? And why do they possibly continue that misrepresentation into

 the relationship? Doesn’t that just open the door to confusion and disaster? Or is it like pulling

the unopened flower off a plant because you think it’s a defect and not a blossom?

Don’t look confused, I did that in second grade to my mother’s day flower, because I thought my

plant was “sick”. Again another blog for another time.


How much honesty is too much honesty, and can we really handle the truth when it comes to relationships? Or is it one big continuous play that never ends? Are some qualities or attributes of another person deal breakers? How many women have gone out with a man they really didn’t like for the “free meal”? How many men are dating an idiot because she is “independent” which translates into her paying for everything and she still gives up the sex? How important is sex?

How many questions should one ask on a “date”? Is there anything wrong with putting all of your cards on the table in the beginning?

Am I overloading you (the reader) with questions?

Not that any of you care, but again, I am honest to a fault. My “special friend” has seen me at my best and my worst, I don’t have to put on a show for him, yet I still get a standing ovation.

Would you?

Peace and ShineOn!!!


By peacefulblessedstar Posted in Sparks

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