Why God Was Angry at Me

If you follow me on Facebook, you know I have had a rough couple of days. More specifically, a rough couple of months leading into a rough year.

***read the about section of my blog if you have no idea about what happened with/to me***

Without getting too much into my past to bore you, and if we have ever had a conversation I may have told you about my “brain” as a child. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I was a “child prodigy” of sorts. According to several witnesses, I was repeating the alphabet back to my mother while she was changing my diaper at three months old, and I began reading at nine months old. My mother thought all babies were like this, so she didn’t do anything with my gifts.

That was until she became “worried” about me. Why, you may ask? Well because I couldn’t do the “normal” things that other babies could do. I couldn’t hold my head up, hold my bottle, roll a ball, hold a spoon, and I learned how to walk before I learned how to crawl. So yeah forget that adage, I actually did that.

If any of you have/had children when you take them to the pediatrician the either the doctor or nurse will ask you if your baby can do any of the above. My mother tearfully answered no to all of those questions and my pediatrician went to get “paperwork” to, for the lack of a better term, institutionalize me for what he called back then “functionally retarded”.

That was until I stood up on the little table, hard my hard soul shoes crinkling the examination scroll of paper making a lot of noise and walked over to the framed “Courier Post” article that was on the wall and began to read, “Courier Post: September…1971Renowned pediatrician Dr. Repeci was honored yesterday at a seminar…” (Interview).

There was a hush that came over the exam room then, according to my mother, excitement from my doctor as I continued to read and he brought in all of the nurses and they kept giving me stuff to read. That is when he finally said, “I apologize; she is not retarded. One side of her brain is just more advanced that the other. Don’t worry about the physical part; she will eventually catch up”.

The school district of course wanted to skip my grade levels, but my mother didn’t want me to become socially awkward so she kept me in kindergarten at kindergarten age.

I went on to annoy my teachers by finishing my assignments a head of time and reading their notes on the board that were in cursive informing the rest of the class what we were doing next.

My third grade teacher was astonished by me and had my IQ tested. At that time, my IQ was 150, which was “genius level”, so she gave me “extra work to do” to keep me “occupied”. While the other kids enjoyed recess, I was looking at shapes and reciting patterns of numbers forwards and backwards. I never got good at double-dutch or kickball, and needless to say, I hated school.

I really hated school when in the middle of my seventh grade summer when all I wanted to do was go swimming, I was ushered off to the local high school and made to take yet another test. Later on in life I had found out, I took my SAT’s that day and scored fourth in the nation!!! Not of seventh graders but of everyone who took the exam that year. Needless to say, I had full scholarships to all of the major universities in the nation. All I had to do was graduate high school.

Instead I got pregnant.

That was the first instance of God being angry with me, I am sure.

Someday, I will share the horrors of that situation as another part of my testimony

Now reader YOU are probably mad at me, because I said the first part of this was supposed to be brief. My bad, I hope you aren’t too bored.

But I went on to have two beautiful and amazing children. So God, blessed me anyway.

I wound up not only graduating from college but getting my Master’s Degree in Creative Writing with a special concentration on Poetry, all praises to God.

I wound up teaching English Composition Courses at the local Community College and sometimes mentoring poets and other writers.

Then the rupture happened.

My whole life changed and I got real mad at God.

He just laughed at me, until last night.

Then, He got pissed.

(Am I allowed to say God got pissed? Well He knows me, shoot He created me, so I’ma do it anyway).

I got mad at God because I was not understanding why He went to all of that trouble to save my life if I was going to continue to be sick, homebound and miserable. I also really got tired of people telling me that this testimony was not for me, but it was for someone else who was looking at me.

Then I got even more mad at God, and wanted to know why (as you may have seen on Facebook in a rant of mine) God assigned me the dumb ass who couldn’t get his or her life together so I had to suffer for them.?!?!?!

Then as a Christian, I felt HORRIBLE for even fixing my brain to ask that question.

Then God “figuratively” smacked me in the back of my head and told me to repeat “fixing my brain”

God, in His infinite wisdom combined with my faith in Him, has provided me with all of the tools necessary to “fix my own brain” by acknowledging, understanding and challenging its’ own power. Thereby, channeling my power, which was given to me by God.

I just have to learn more about me and be (no pun intended) open minded to acquire and accept the knowledge that is out there and my own power to align with God’s purpose for me to help make the appropriate changes.

I have a Healing and Loving Light within me that if it is in God’s will, I can manifest that Light to change my Life and the lives of others.

God isn’t mad at me anymore. I just exhausted Him because it took me so long to figure all of this out.

But at least I did.

Peace and ShineOn

“Star”

Next blog: Astrology: It is not satanic; it is a Gift…a Tool from God to Understanding Mankind.

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By peacefulblessedstar Posted in Sparks

8 comments on “Why God Was Angry at Me

  1. First of all, God allowed you to get sick and healed you to be a testament of his love, grace and will. No other reason.

    We all have gifts that we share, you and I have a similar artistic background, only I started drawing (my first gift) probably as I learned to write, tested with a high iq and labeled as a genius. The difference is that I was surrounded by a supportive community of artist and then, I met you. Another person to learn from. Another person to teach. To protect.

    All you wanted was DNA and we became family. You are a blessing and your blessings are not a curse. So, stop questioning and being angry, but be gracious, humble and thankful, for there are people with half your courage, waiting to be saved.

  2. Michele,

    I never knew your story. I really enjoyed reading and learning more about you through this entry. I found myself in wonder and awe of God’s mighty & blessed hand upon your life. Please don’t mind if I get all gushy…but you inspire me…to greatness…to self-love…to appreciation…to self-acceptance…to learning…to excellence…to shedding layers…to life…to love…to wholeness.

    I say every feeling you have is and was valid (even the anger). Do you know how many times I’ve been angry with my Father God? chile please…countless! lol..and might be there again..let’s keep it real. God can handle our anger…he can handle our everything and anything. He knows what we’re gonna feel before we feel it. He SEES us through from beginning to end. I know you already know this though :-).

    oh and I don’t believe we can ever “exhaust” God. I believe He looks at His children, giggle’s, cocks His head as a proud, loving parent and says “Bring it on!” “I want ALL of you”. 🙂

    • See Lol in my mind God looks like Idris Elba when he played in the BBC series “Luther”… He raids my fridge and laughs at me constantly… and awwww well thanks Jaz, I’m just writing my truths and if they resonate with others then that’s another blessing to be grateful for (( hugs))

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